Partner Support During the Perinatal Period: How to Help When Your Loved One is Struggling

The journey through pregnancy, childbirth, and early parenthood brings profound changes- not only for the person carrying the child but for their partner as well. While much attention is rightfully given to the physical and emotional well-being of the birthing parent, partners often find themselves wondering how best to offer support, especially when their loved one is struggling with perinatal mental health challenges.

20% of birth parents experience a perinatal mood or anxiety disorder (PMAD), making these conditions the most common complication of pregnancy and childbirth. Partners are crucial in recognizing symptoms, encouraging treatment, and providing day-to-day support. This guide offers practical strategies for partners who want to be there for their loved ones during this transformative time.

Recognizing When Your Partner Is Struggling

The first step in providing support is recognizing when your partner may be experiencing more than the typical adjustment to pregnancy or new parenthood. While some emotional changes are expected, certain signs may indicate a need for professional attention:

Signs that may indicate a perinatal mood or anxiety disorder:

• Persistent sadness or tearfulness lasting more than two weeks

• Withdrawal from activities they previously enjoyed

• Excessive worry or racing thoughts

• Difficulty bonding with the baby

• Changes in eating or sleeping patterns (beyond normal postpartum disruptions)

• Intrusive thoughts about harm coming to the baby

• Expressions of worthlessness, hopelessness, or suicidal thoughts

• Irritability or anger that seems out of proportion

• Extreme fatigue that doesn't improve with rest

  
  

It's important to note that these symptoms can appear anytime during pregnancy or within the first year after birth. Many people experience delayed onset of perinatal mood disorders, sometimes appearing months after delivery when support systems have typically diminished.

Starting the Conversation

If you notice concerning changes in your partner's mood or behavior, approaching the topic with sensitivity is essential. Many new parents feel shame or guilt about struggling during what's "supposed to be" a joyful time, making it difficult for them to ask for help.

When initiating a conversation:

• Choose a calm moment when you won't be interrupted

• Use "I" statements to express concern: "I've noticed you seem to be having a hard time lately, and I'm concerned about you"

• Avoid judgment or minimizing phrases like "everyone goes through this" or "it's just hormones"

• Listen more than you speak, giving your partner space to express themselves

• Reassure them that struggling doesn't reflect on their parenting ability or character

• Normalize seeking help: "Many new parents experience similar feelings and find that talking to someone helps"

  
  

Practical Ways to Provide Support

1. Educate Yourself

Take time to learn about perinatal mental health. Understanding the biological, psychological, and social factors that contribute to perinatal mood disorders can help you respond with empathy rather than frustration. Recommended resources include Postpartum Support International (postpartum.net) and books like "The Postpartum Husband" by Karen Kleiman.

2. Prioritize Physical Needs

The mind-body connection is powerful, especially during the perinatal period. Help ensure your partner's basic physical needs are met:

• Encourage and facilitate rest whenever possible

• Take on nighttime feedings when feasible (using pumped milk or formula)

• Prepare nutritious meals and ensure your partner stays hydrated

• Create opportunities for physical activity, which can significantly improve mood

• Take on household responsibilities without being asked

• Protect your partner's recovery time if they've given birth

  
  

3. Facilitate Professional Support

While your emotional support is invaluable, professional help is often necessary for perinatal mood disorders:

• Offer to help find a therapist specializing in perinatal mental health

• Attend initial appointments together if your partner wants company

• Handle logistics like scheduling appointments and arranging childcare

• Normalize medication if recommended by healthcare providers

• Consider accompanying your partner to support groups

• In crisis situations, know emergency resources and don't hesitate to use them

4. Provide Emotional Containment

Your ability to stay calm and hopeful can provide emotional grounding for your partner:

• Reassure them that perinatal mood disorders are temporary and treatable

• Validate their feelings without trying to "fix" everything

• Remind them of their strengths and capabilities

• Create space for their emotions without judgment

• Maintain perspective and hope when they cannot

• Understand that recovery isn't linear and setbacks are normal

5. Facilitate Connection

Social isolation often exacerbates perinatal mental health challenges:

• Help maintain connections with supportive friends and family

• Filter out potentially harmful visitors or interactions

• Connect with other parents through classes or groups

• Encourage your partner to share their authentic experience with trusted others

• Consider joining a partners' support group yourself

6. Remember the Relationship

The transition to parenthood strains even the healthiest relationships. Making space for your connection as partners, not just as co-parents, is important:

• Create opportunities for non-baby conversations

• Express appreciation for specific things your partner does

• Find small ways to maintain physical intimacy, even if sexual intimacy isn't possible

• Remember you're on the same team, even during difficult moments

• Consider couples therapy if communication becomes consistently difficult

Don't Forget Self-Care

Supporting a struggling partner while adapting to your own role as a new parent is challenging. Research shows that partners of those experiencing perinatal mood disorders have higher rates of depression themselves. Your mental health matters too:

• Identify your own support system separate from your partner

• Set boundaries around what you can realistically handle

• Attend to your basic needs for sleep, nutrition, and exercise

• Consider individual therapy to process your own emotions

• Take short breaks to recharge when possible

• Remember that taking care of yourself enables you to be a better support

When to Seek Emergency Help

While most perinatal mood disorders respond well to treatment, know the warning signs that indicate an emergency:

• Suicidal thoughts or plans

• Inability to care for basic needs

• Thoughts of harming the baby

• Psychosis symptoms (hallucinations, delusions, or bizarre behavior)

In these situations, contact emergency services immediately or go to the nearest emergency room. Never leave someone alone if they express suicidal thoughts.

Moving Forward Together

Recovery from perinatal mood disorders takes time, but with appropriate treatment and support, the prognosis is excellent. Many families find that working through these challenges together ultimately strengthens their bond and resilience as parents.

Remember that supporting a partner through perinatal mental health challenges isn't about having all the answers; it's about showing up consistently, facilitating professional help, and creating an environment where healing is possible.

If your partner is struggling with perinatal mental health, remember you're not alone. At Big Life Change Therapy, we're here to provide dedicated support for your entire family through this challenging time. Contact us to learn more about our services for new and expecting parents.